Trippy thing we call Life. 

Everytime I’ve hit rock bottom I’ve came back Up to be a better being. There’s times I catch myself contemplating on that girl I put rest and out of misery about a year ago, the old Lizz, the dead Lizz. As time passes I’m starting to realize that its time for me to let her go. She’s resting in peace and I’m mourning her to deeply. It’s ironic to say that I’m mourning somebody I murdered and devoured with so much passion because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and beyond sick and fucking tired. Insanity is the word that I’ll use to describe that. But how do I let go of so many different memories that have made me who I am? How long will it be until I can accept I let myself waste my OWN precious time on things ideas and people that don’t ever matter anymore? People that did and do me dirty to the day. People that I would’ve killed and died for. How trippy is life? Youd take bullets for the person that has .9 pointed to your dome lock loaded and ready to go. Life. Whatta trip. EVEN  with that being said I’m BLESSED,  I’m PEACEFUL, I’m HAPPY. I’m Me. God got me. He always has. He always will. 

Challenging days.

It’s been a while since I last felt this way. Im just so glad that God has given me the eyes to finally see things that I would have never seen before. I just can’t believe I used to live my life the way I used to live. My life is just so blessed and perfect. At times I feel a mix of negative emotions. I feel like giving up. But then the little things that surround me or that are Said around me. I remind myself that I just need to rebalance my emotions. I remind myself that I am better then that. I look around and see how perfect things really are in my life. How joyful and peaceful I truely am. I just let myself cry sometimes I let it all out. I love the refreshing feeling I feel when Im done crying alone. The feeling of being free from those negative emotions makes me feel remember how much I love my peace.

Beast mode

I tame myself. I am a beast that needs to be free I can not possibly be leashed or feel trapped. When my freedom or individuality is compromised I no longer tame myself. When something or body believes to brave enough to fuck with my Kids and/or feel their bold enough to try to taint our bond I am a vicious unstoppable beast. I diminish anything that comes in/on my way. I will make it regret living every single moment of their lives every single beat their hearts gives.

I feel

I feel cursed like everything that I touch gets tainted .. Tainted by my sorrows and pain.. pain that hasn’t ever been discussed , pain that runs so deep I don’t even seen to understand.. I feel as if I can’t grasp the concept of why I have to be so harsh and numb .. my thoughts are blinded by the loneliness and longing of wanting someone to be here and just understand. As we sit in silence I know no words have to be said because they just dont understand .. Living my life so misunderstood … sometimes it makes me question my existence and my real purpose in being here on earth.. cause it seems like when I love I poison the love with to much loyalty and love .. and I’ve finally become sick of being cursed… I’ve given up on those thoughts of ever being sane again.. it just hurts to know I got so much to offer and when I think about it my heart crumbles and once again I become cold … in the way I carry myself you can see my despair held deep inside ..  wishing one day I can finally be at peace with my sins…